Fear and loathing in Hanoi, or the price of a pineapple

By the time we reached Hanoi we had spent nearly three weeks in Vietnam. Around Southeast Asia, the nation has a rather unenviable reputation; we heard things along the lines of “Vietnamese are all thieves” and “They absolutely hate Westerners, they’ll spit at you and insult you”. I do admit having felt rather uneasy during our first days in Vietnam, around the Mekong Delta; but I guess this was due to the sharp contrast between Vietnam and Laos/Cambodia, rather than any particular unpleasant experiences. However, I guess the Vietnam-related remarks related more to a game of Chinese Whispers than reality. At least, that was my experience after three weeks. Boy oh boy, was that going to change after Hanoi!

Piece of advice number one: don’t start your Southeast Asian odyssey in Hanoi, or you may want to pack up and return home rather quick. Piece of advice number two: don’t even start your Vietnamese odyssey in Hanoi, or you’ll may start wondering why prices become suddendly cheaper once you leave the capital... is it the ‘capital city syndrome’? No, it’s the capital city of scoundrels’ syndrome. Hence comes piece of advice number three: start south and move north, so when you’ll get to Hanoi you’ll know how much things cost, and be ready for haggling. Actually, that’s not even haggling; just offer to pay the price you’ve been paying everywhere else in Vietnam, and eventually they’ll agree. That’s the first step in enjoying Hanoi. I’ll make a quick example here. A common Vietnamese street snack are small pineapples, which are peeled and cut for you at the moment of purchase. The price for this is 5000 dong, about 25 US cent. I payed 5000 dong in several locations, from Saigon, to Nha Trang, to Can Tho in the delta. In Hanoi suddenly the price skyrocketed to 30,000 dong ($1.50). A six-fold price hike! Idon’t think so. I persisted, holding my 5000 dong note, ignoring the seller trying for 20, then 10,000, then 7000, and lastly imploring “Cannot do 5000! That’s locals price!”. Sure enough, I paid 5000 at the end.

Apparently some tourists (I shan’t dwell on the demographics) don’t mind paying inflated prices. I do, for one simple reason: it’s theft. In Hanoi, having a white face will see you paying an extra 5000 dong on anything, bottle of water, bowl of noodles or else. It gets rather tiring after a while. To this, add the fact that Hanoi is a noisy and chaotic city, with small streets filled to the brim with rumbling motorcycles and ‘Sinh Cafe’ agencies on every streetcorner (more on this later). At the same time, it’s a fascinating place to explore, provided one keeps one’s wits. The Old Quarter still has roads devoted to particular activities, from Silk Road (Hang Gai) to Roasted Fish Road (Cha Ca). A walk to the northwestern side of the centre will take one to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, which hosts Uncle Ho himself. We went to visit one morning after a particular fierce thunderstorm, and could not believe the amount of people lining up. Little by little the queue moved, and we entered the mausoleum. There, in a glass casket at the centre of the room, surrounded by 5 guards in a starched white uniform, lieth The Man. He rested under the Communist and Vietnamese flags, looking like he died yesterday, although he passed away in 1969. The sight of Vietnamese approaching the casket was interesting; some displayed deference and admiration, some just didn’t care too much, but every single person showed respect (I don’t dare thinking what would happen if you didn’t). It was moving being in the presence of such a historical figure. Unfortunately, photography was very forbidden.

The time we spent in Hanoi was a combination of highs and lows; from anger to the continuous overcharging attempts to evenings chatting with a Bia Hoi, from Nick going mental over the traffic and noise to an absolutely glorious ice cream from Fanny's on Hoan Kiem lake (and meeting some gentle Hanoian souls). However, we had to keep moving quickly; our time in Vietnam (and our visas!) were running out. The next step was going to be the fist and foremost backpacker approved Vietnam activity... a cruise around Halong Bay. Sorry, but this needs a prologue. As I said we had little time, so we had no choice but to take a tour. Having used the famous Sinh Cafe travel agency in Saigon for our open bus to the north, and being satisfied with the service, we decided to visit them again. But, as I said before, there’s a Sinh Cafe on every streetcorner in Hanoi! That’s because in Vietnam apparently business names cannot be trademarked, so often new businesses just take the name of existing ones with the hope of luring customers away. Sometimes, these ‘copycats’ bear nothing more than a pale resemblance to the original, other times they are downright dodgy. So what would one do? Check the address and go to the legit one! Nothing that a bit of research wouldn’t fix.

For $35 we booked a two days-one night cruise of Halong Bay, from the original legitimate Sinh Cafe in Hanoi. Guess what.... it was excellent. In the same boat as us were another 10-odd people who booked exactly the same thing from their hotel lobbies for $75 or more, and got exactly what we did. Halong Bay is absolutely spectacular, a must-do for everyone in Vietnam. Although some parts of it did feel really touristy (i.e. paddling fruit sellers, souvenir stalls at the entrances of caves), gliding through the bay amid the thousands of limestone karsts was absolutely unforgettable. We were also lucky enough to witness a sunset, apparently a really rare occurrence this time of year. It was, however, one of those things that are only nice to look at, having been spoilt of any character for the benefits of tourism. One of those box-ticking activities that backpackers seem to love so much. As I lied on my bed,trying not to listen to the party noises from the nearest backpacker boat (and thanking God we weren’t on it), I drifted off to sleep filled with expectation for our next destination, Sapa.